,n

I finally got a VPN in a push to become more anonymous in my life.  As a Gen Xer, I straddle the divide between the analog life of the 70’s and 80’s that evolved into the early online digital life of late 1990s through to what we have now.  I am trying to find my balance in becoming invisible and wanting to have access to the bounty of the online world. There is so much I miss about the analog life, but in dangerous, nostalgic/sentimental ways, mostly.  Healthcare (not talking about costs, but the quality of medicines and treatments) are so much better.  Information access is amazing and I love it.  Cars are much better.  Entertainment is much better. I think one old thing that was better was the lack of deeply partisan news sources.  We had the three big networks, local newspapers, and radio.   With my love for the internet, my distrust of social media, and my paranoia of browser history (which is probably really boring, unless you want to get judgy about my porn searches), I need to

That we have such a stark and straightforward word in so many languages suggests that, whatever our apparent allegiance to our species, it isn’t very uncommon for a human being to look at who we are collectively – what we get up to, how we behave, how our thoughts run – and in the end want to give up at the sight of our limitless violence, wickedness and folly and wish that we had never evolved,  homo sapiens  having ultimately proved an unending and undignified plague upon the earth whose reign should end without regret.  ~ The School of Life ~ The case for misanthropy.   Am I a misanthrope?   In the article cited above, that paragraph sums up so much of what I now hold core to my beliefs.  The author shares many reasons why a misanthrope has lost all hope that I also feel and adopted it into my own narrative against humankind.   Misanthropists love people of course – or they did once upon a time. What high hopes one has to have started with in order to end up feeling so sad at the s

N95 my life - 031421 Why am i doing this?  Why do I want to fade into the woodwork as just another being that is noticed for the moment, but not worth staying and noticing deeper than that? Honestly and simply.  I gave away almost all fucks that I care about what unimportant others think of me.  I am, for the most part, a nobody.  If I died tomorrow, it would not be in the news (unless the manner of death was too sensational to pass up).   I will not have an obituary in the paper. Most of the world, like over 99.9999999999%, are unimportant in the sense of they have no awareness of my existence.  They are very important as individual people deserving agency, justice, equality, and love. But as for me, when I fade away, they have never known of my existence and it is very boastful to think they every would. So, with that out of the way, why??? I gave up on humanity* (and that country called America) in the past decade and this last year sealed it.  I am thankful we have a new regime to

Last year I was finally able to name one of the types of privileges I live with.  I call it living under the radar (utr) and being safe invisible . I am tall, well over 6 feet and big, over 250 lbs. I am white.  I am upper middle-aged.  I am cis male.  Those characteristics alone make me the picture boy of white male privilege and the patriarchy of America. I first really noticed this 8 years ago walking in Manhattan. I was walking down the sidewalk through one of the infamous sea of humanity scenes we associate with New York.  Ahead of me by forty feet was a woman about 5 feet tall wearing a red coat you could not miss.  I watched her walk through the crowd.  She had to bob, weave, stop, and dash ahead to get around people and avoid collisions. All this while wearing a red coat, you could see three blocks away.   I was wearing a dark grey wool coat and brown pants.  As I walked, I rarely had to move out of the straight line I walked.  The people coming toward me would flow around me

  Hi.  I am ,n.   I go by other names, but this name is aspirational and inspirational to me.  It is what I am striving to be.  I want to be so common and unnoticeable. This blog is going to have a few purposes. It is for me.  It will be my one last public facing thing on the internet when I am done killing off all my other social media presence. It will be full of my lessons in becoming so inconspicuous that no one pays any attention to me unless I want them to. It will house my rants, ravings, and thoughts on things in my life, mostly around becoming the fog, but some on life experiences and things I like to share.   It might have sex and nudity.  I am striving to take as much of that offline as well, but want one outlet for some of it. I will strive to update and post as I make progress to becoming the unmemorable being that is barely noted and soon forgotten.  I welcome all comments and suggestions on how to do this better.  I will answer any personal questions that may identify wh